


must have been the wind

by maybemochas



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, References to Depression, Songfic, must have been the wind - alec benjamin, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22441642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybemochas/pseuds/maybemochas
Summary: She said, "I think your ears are playing tricks on you"Sweater zipped up to her chin"Thanks for caring, sir, that's nice of youBut I have to go back inWish I could tell you about the noiseBut I didn't hear a thing"She said, "It must have been the wind, must have been the windMust have been the wind, it must have been the wind"-Alec Benjamin
Relationships: Sylvain Jose Gautier & Bernadetta von Varley, Sylvain Jose Gautier/Bernadetta von Varley
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48





	must have been the wind

**Author's Note:**

> god ngl i despise how this turned out. but i finished it and there's no reason not to post it so here it is
> 
> I recommend checking out the song that inspired this fic. Is very feelsy, jammy, and a total Bernadetta song.
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/track/1PsMieVYFXrSeXMxuE2SbG?si=l0ZJre4IT--3YSy0Juepkw

_Crash!_

Sylvain woke up with a startled gasp, eyes snapping open due to a sudden noise from above. For a second, he thought that whatever shattered had been in _his_ apartment until he heard the crying. It was muffled, as if the person was trying to swallow down the broken sounds, but Sylvain had left his window open and could hear each sob clearly.

It took him a minute to realize that he knew who was crying, his brain still trailing a bit behind as he woke up completely. The name rolled off his lips as he frowned and sat up, squinting blearily up at the ceiling, as if he'd be able to see the source of the crying if he looked hard enough.

"Bernie…?"

Not bothering to get his shoes, Sylvain pocketed his phone and left the apartment to go check on his friend. By the time he stepped off the elevator to get to the second floor, he was completely awake and worrying his lip between his teeth as he walked down the hall with his hands shoved in his sweatpant’s pockets.

He knocked on her door quietly, not wanting to wake anyone else up. It was nearly two in the morning on a Thursday. Even if the apartment complex was off-campus housing for students, most people were asleep by now so he’d rather not draw any attention to himself if possible.

It took a minute before Bernadetta opened the door and when she finally did, Sylvain had to keep his expression neutral, as if he didn’t notice the red rimmed puffiness in her eyes or how her body language screamed she was hiding something. 

"O-Oh, Sylvain um, did… did you need something?"

"No, I didn't need anything," Sylvain started as he rubbed at the back of his neck. "I just wanted to check if you were okay."

Bernadetta flinched, pulling the sleeves of her hoodie over her hands as she looked away. "I'm f-fine. Why wouldn't I be okay?"

"I thought I heard the sound of glass breaking come from the room above mine. _Your_ room."

If Bernadetta was stiff before, she was completely paralyzed now. Almost as if the realization that someone had heard her shattered her mind itself. He could see the cogs stuttering, desperately trying to unstick themselves as she tried to come up with an excuse. It hurt to watch.

"Oh! That was a um… a mug! I tripped over some uh, some textbooks that I left lying around and dropped it."

"Right…" Sylvain bit his lip, debating if crossing the line of calling her out on lying would do more damage than good.

Deciding that leaving without completely being thorough wouldn't be the wisest thing to do, he asked carefully, "Is that why I heard crying?"

"I wasn't crying…" Bernadetta curled in on herself, as if the tighter she wrapped her arms around her sides, the smaller she'd become until she disappeared.

"I didn't hear anything besides me… dropping the mug. I wish I could tell you about the noise you heard, but I didn't hear a thing," She shrugged, an uneasy mix of bundled nerves and hopeless exhaustion. "It must have been the wind or something."

Her attempt at a reassuring smile was an obvious lie, yet Sylvain found himself at a loss for words. He didn't know how to handle the way she played off her tear stained cheeks and trembling hands like neither were there. Like he'd played off his own emotions so many times before.

"Yeah," Sylvain nodded slowly, unsure of what else to say. He wasn’t exactly the poster child for dealing with problems in a healthy way and he _definitely_ was not the type people trusted with their own struggles. He had a perfectly crafted reputation of being nothing more than a mindless skirt-chaser and he intended to keep it that way.

“Sorry to bother you then,” He finally said with an apologetic smile, ignoring the screaming in the back of his mind that said walking away was the worst thing he could do. But what else _could_ he do? He couldn’t force her to talk and even if she did, there was no guarantee that anything he said would help. For all he knew, he could make things a million times worse.

“I-It’s okay,” Bernadetta smiled back tiredly. “It’s pretty late though, you should get some sleep…”

“Yeah… I’ll do that,” Sylvain nodded. “Goodnight Bernie.”

“Bye Sylvain.”

The walk back to his apartment felt like it took hours, despite it being no more than a minute. Sylvain barely processed anything around him in the quiet apartment halls, too wrapped up in his own thoughts to even notice he’d ended up back in his apartment, lying on his bed once more.

The gnawing feeling of unease twisted uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach. He knew Bernadetta was a bit more closed off than most... Anxious. But he didn't have all the facts. They'd only _just_ become friends, albeit-- friends who spent hours together in her apartment on a daily basis-- but still. This was clearly something heavy, something personal. Did he have the right to cross that line?

Sylvain stared at the ceiling, biting at his lip nervously. Was Bernadetta still crying? Did she have someone to talk to when things weren't okay? Was it assuming too much to hope he could be someone she could open up to?

With a muttered curse under his breath, Sylvain pushed himself out of bed and headed back upstairs. There was no way he could go back to sleep and just pretend he didn’t hear anything.

When Bernadetta opened the door again, Sylvain placed a hand on the doorframe in case she tried to shut him out and immediately had her attention as she looked from his hand up to his face with tired eyes. “Sylvain…”

“Look I know you said that it was just you dropping a mug and maybe it was, but I can tell something is wrong. I just want to help,” Sylvain blurted out, nerves finally getting the best of him.

Bernadetta’s eyes widened, taken aback by the genuine pained worry written across Sylvain’s face.

"Bee, please," Sylvain pleaded. "Talk to me."

"I…" Bernadetta's grip on the handle of the door tightened as she opened her mouth several times before giving up and shutting it altogether. She tried to fight the tears, but barely lasted a second as worn down emotion finally won the war and a broken sob escaped her lips.

As much as it hurt to see her like this, Sylvain couldn't help but feel relieved when she moved forward and crashed against his chest.

His arms were around her in an instant as she wept into his shirt, trying to muffle her cries and barely succeeding as she hugged him tightly. Sylvain ran his hand through her hair and squeezed her a bit tighter before guiding them into her apartment, carefully kicking the door closed behind them.

The second the click of privacy shut out the hallway where anyone could walk in on her falling apart, Bernadetta hiccuped between sobs. "I-I'm so sorry. I just.. I can't—It's too much."

"Shh, it's okay," Sylvain soothed her as he rubbed her back. "Take your time Bee, I'm not going anywhere."

Bernadetta buried her face against his chest, fingers clutching at fabric as she let herself go, bottled up emotions finally spilling over until broken sobs lulled into quiet sniffles.

Even when her weeping died down into silently falling tears, they stayed exactly as they were. Sylvain kept rubbing her back slowly, occasionally running his fingers through her hair once he noticed how it calmed her.

"Do you want me to take you to your room?" Sylvain asked quietly, almost afraid if he spoke too loudly it would break the lull of emotion. Bernadetta nodded against his chest, showing no sign of moving. 

Not needing any further prompting, Sylvain hooked his arm under her knees and lifted her with ease. He couldn't help but marvel at just how _small_ she was. She barely weighed anything at all and it felt natural when her arms wrapped around his shoulders so she could cling to him comfortably.

When Sylvain’s eyes were drawn to the bathroom in the hall, he didn’t say anything despite what he saw. Bernadetta flinched when she noticed his steps falter, but both stayed quiet as he took a deep breath to steady himself before continuing to take her to her room.

They’d have to talk about what he saw, but not until she was ready. The cracked glass. The blood. Ruined towels left on the floor next to a first aid kit that had been left open, exposing the leftover wrappings from bandaids and medical tape. Sylvain wasn’t going to pretend he didn’t see what he did, but he wasn’t going to push. Not tonight.

When he entered her room and he asked if she wanted the light on, she simply shook her head, burrowing against his neck. The light trickling in from the hall and the star shaped fairy lights in her room was enough for him to see where he was walking and he took care not to step on any of the discarded clothes or papers on his way to the bed.

He set her down, only sitting beside her when she motioned it was okay. The silence was tense, but Sylvain waited patiently until she was ready to break it.

"...Do you think anyone else heard?"

Sylvain shrugged, genuinely not knowing the answer to her question. "If anyone asks and you're not comfortable talking about it then just tell them what you said to me. It was just the wind."

"Yeah…” Bernadetta sighed, pulling her knees to her chest. “Just the wind. Until I'm ready to talk about it.”

She must have noticed the way Sylvain shifted uncomfortably, as if he wasn’t sure he could actually believe she would open up about it, because she added quickly, “ _I want to._ Eventually… I'm just not quite there yet."

“That’s fair,” He nodded. “You don’t have to talk to _me_ about it, but I really do think you should talk to someone—and no. That’s not me saying that I don’t want to hear about it.” Sylvain interjected, knowing exactly where Bernadetta’s mind was going.

When she didn’t say anything, he shifted so he was facing her properly, "I promise I'll never play any tricks on you, Bee. I know my reputation doesn't make me the most trustworthy person, but I swear. I'm always here for you and you're always welcome to come by my place or send me a text. I mean it."

Bernadetta struggled to keep her gaze locked on his, but Sylvain could tell she was genuinely trying not to rip her eyes away and run. That was something huge for her, especially in a situation like this, and he was proud of her for it.

Eventually she finally caved, biting her lip as she looked away and muttered under her breath. “Thanks… I appreciate it. I really do.”

Sylvain nodded, his eyes drifting until they landed on a piece of paper that sparked an idea in the back of his mind.

"Hey, remember when I restrung your guitar?” He asked. “Do you still have it?"

"Y-Yeah, but I never learned how to play." Bernadetta answered as she pushed herself off of the bed and pushed aside the sliding door to her closet. She pulled the sticker-covered case out from behind a curtain of shirts and skirts, only knocking one piece of clothing off of its hanger in the process.

"That's okay," Sylvain hummed as he took it from her and flipped open the cover once she passed it to him. "Did you want me to play for you? I remember it made you really happy that one time so I thought…"

"Please." Bernadetta nodded as she crawled over the mountain of plushies to sit next to Sylvain on the bed and rest her head on his shoulder.

Sylvain smiled warmly as he looked down at her, noting how her eyes had already slipped closed. "Anything for you, Bee."

_Sometimes in our lives we all have pain_

_We all have sorrow_

_But if we are wise_

_We know that there's always tomorrow_

_Lean on me, when you're not strong_

_And I'll be your friend_

_I'll help you carry on_

_For it won't be long_

_'Til I'm gonna need_

_Somebody to lean on_


End file.
